Strange Dream
by MaggieGirl
Summary: Involves a very weird girl and nasty perverted hobbitses! R&R! **CHAP 3 UP!** Aragorn and Legolas sissyfight!
1. Nasty perverted hobbitses

Hello! This is my second LOTR fic (yup yup) and I just felt like writing something totally wacky! Blah, blah, blah, and all that other stuff. I don't want to bore you, so let's get on with the story. Again, blah, blah, I don't own anyone but Jenny.  
  
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"Please, please, please, PLEASE may I have it?" I pleaded as my mom and I walked through the music section of the Base Exchange. (A/N: It's a store for people in the military) I held up the new LOTR soundtrack.  
  
"Ok, fine!" My mom said when I put on my puppy face.  
  
"YAAAAAY!" I yelled as we were walking out of the store. "YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAY!!!" (A/N: If you're wondering, she's not retarded, she's just VERY unique. ^_^;;)  
  
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That night I put the LOTR CD on before I went to bed and looked at the names of the songs on the back of the CD case.  
  
"Let's put on 'May it be'" I said, and skipped to the track. I laid my head back on my pillow and slowly drifted to sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When I woke up I immediately knew something was wrong. First of all, there was no music. Second, It felt like I wasn't in my bed. I opened my eyes.  
  
"AAAAAYYYY!" I yelled, jumping up. I soon found an arrow was pointed at my face. "AAAAAAYYYY!" I yelled again, hurling myself to the ground.  
  
"Friend or foe?" The person who had kindly pointed the arrow in my face said.  
  
"Friend!" I squeaked. The guy had pointed ears and long, blonde hair.  
  
"Where am I?" I asked, looking around. He looked at me strangely.  
  
"You don't know?" He asked.  
  
"Well, I wouldn't be asking you if I did!"  
  
"You are in Rivendell. In the middle of a Council." He said. I looked around, suddenly aware of the faces watching me. I smiled sweetly.  
  
"Gee, I guess I am! Sorry." I said. I looked the guy in the face now, and recognized from the movies that he was-  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!" I squealed, pointing at him while jumping up and down. He looked at me like I was insane. I continued to point out characters that were sitting nearby.  
  
"YOU'RE GIMLI!!! YOU'RE BOROMIR!! YOU'RE ARAGORN!! YOU'RE LORD ELROND!! YOU'RE GANDALF!! FRODO!!! Sorry, honey, didn't see you there!"  
  
"Er, young lady, would you care to sit down and let us continue with our Council?" A wide-eyed Lord Elrond said. I nodded and sat beside this one old guy and listened to the Council. Like in the movie, Boromir did his speech, Aragorn said something, and everyone started arguing over who would take the ring to Mordor. Frodo stepped up.  
  
"I will take it!" He yelled. Then I watched as the Fellowship formed. As Merry and Pippin ran up, I jumped out of my chair.  
  
"I want to go, too!" I pleaded with my puppy face.  
  
"Well, then, milady, what is your name?" Lord Elrond said.  
  
"I am Jenny, and I wish to guide the little one on this journey." I said, trying to sound all Middle Earth-ish.  
  
"You have no weapons! How will you fight?"  
  
"Like this!!" I then went around doing Jackie Chan stunts. I stopped in front of the Fellowship and screeched "HIIIII-YAAA!" which caused the Hobbits to go running behind Aragorn.  
  
"Very well." Lord Elrond said, blinking. "Ten companions. You are now the Fellowship of the Ring."  
  
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"Let meeeeee seeeeeeee thaaaaaat thoooooooooooooooooong!" I sang loudly as we walked along the trail that led away from Rivendell. Boromir put his hands over his ears.  
  
"Your constant screeching has caused a ringing to develop in my ear!" He said. I looked at him blankly.  
  
"Dude, speak English." I said.  
  
"Indeed." He replied. I raised an eyebrow at him and then scooted away. I went over to Merry and Pippin.  
  
"Hello, little Hobbitses!" I said. They scooted away from me. I dragged them back. "Cuuute Hobbitses! Niiice Hobbitses!" I said, petting them on their heads. Pippin whimpered in fright.  
  
"Merry, it's TOUCHING ME!" He wailed. Merry ignored him and had a content look upon his face.  
  
"Miss Jenny, will you give me a massage?" Merry said. He winked.  
  
"No."  
  
"A foot massage?"  
  
"EEEEWWW! No."  
  
"What about a-"  
  
"Enough! Nobody is massaging anybody!" Gandalf said.  
  
"Nasty Hobbitses." I scooted away from Merry. This caused me to accidentally step on Frodo's foot, and he yelped. I gasped and picked him up.  
  
"Awww! You are so ADORABLE! HUGGLE TIME!" I started to hug him.  
  
"SAM! HELP! SAAAAAM!" Frodo yelled. Sam ran up and kicked me in the leg. I dropped Frodo.  
  
"AAARRGHH! Stupid FAT hobbit!" I yelled. Sam froze and looked up at me. His bottom lip began to quiver and his brown eyes were brimming with tears. I groaned.  
  
"Not the puppy face! Anything but the puppy face!" I pleaded. He started bawling.  
  
"I'm not FAAAAAAT!" Sam wailed. "I just have BIG BOOOOOONNNNES!!" He cast me another puppy face. I sniffled and bent over to hug him.  
  
"Ooh, nice." Merry said. I realized he was right behind me. I spun around. Him and Pippin were standing there with big grins on their faces.  
  
"AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! NASTY PERVERTED HOBBITSES!!!" I yelled, running after them.  
  
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What a weird end to a chapter. I've got more coming! I've decided to change the narrator for each chapter. Next chapter is: Boromir!! So what do you think? Got any suggestions or comments or questions? Please review!! 


	2. Yo quiero Taco Bell!

YEAH!! SPRING BREAK!!! Here I am with another weird, disturbing, nasty hobbitses story! Ok, ok, maybe they're not THAT nasty. In this chapter, we will continue this fun filled story with *drum roll* BOROMIR!!! Have fun! ^_^  
  
Oh, and also, this chapter contains Spanish! Don't worry; I have translations. Enjoy!  
  
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(Boromir)  
  
"Are ya ready kids? Aye-aye, captain!" Jenny yelled suddenly.  
  
"Stop that." I said. "It is getting rather-"  
  
"I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOOOOOUU!!!! AYE-AYE CAPTAIN!!!"  
  
"ARRRGGH! IN THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY-"  
  
"OOOOOOOOOH!!! WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? SPONGEBO-"  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAPPPPP! Silence. Everyone looked to see that Gandalf cast a silence spell over Jenny.  
  
"Thank the Valar!" I muttered. Jenny glared at me and started mouthing silently at me. I smirked and turned around, grateful for the silence. For a few moments I walked along humming happily. One minute later I found myself flat on my face. I slowly got up and looked around, dazed. Jenny was standing over me smirking.  
  
"YOU TRIPPED ME!!" I yelled, scrambling up. My shield slipped and landed heavily on my rear end.  
  
"AAAAAGGGHHH!!!" I yelled. Jenny doubled up in silent laughter. The rest of the Fellowship had turned to see what happened. Most of them were trying to look sorry for me but the hobbits, who seemed to have formed an alliance with Jenny in the last few days, were on all fours laughing and pounding the ground.  
  
"You little devil! RAAAAAAAH!! Wait 'till I get my hands on you! I'll teach you to mess with me!" I yelled in anger. I dropped my shield and started chasing after Jenny. Her mouth was open in a silent scream as she ran away from me. She tripped on a root and looked up at me in fear. I advanced on her, but was blocked by Legolas, who stepped in front of her.  
  
"It was only a childish prank, Boromir. No need to lose your head!" He said. He turned around to face Jenny and she threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. He patted her back as her shoulders shook. She lifted her head up a bit, stuck her tongue out at me, and buried her face in Legolas's shoulder again. The little brat!!  
  
"Let us continue now." Gandalf said. Jenny waved her hands to get everyone's attention and then pointed to her mouth.  
  
"Are you hungry, Jenny?" Legolas asked. She shook her head and pointed at her mouth again. The Fellowship looked at each other, clueless, as Jenny started pointing wildly at her mouth.  
  
"Jenny, if you want us to know what you're trying to say, why not just say it?" Pippin asked. Jenny looked down at the little hobbit and then started moving her jaw up and down while pointing wildly at her mouth and hopping in place. The fellowship just stared with their mouths hanging open.  
  
"What do you think she's trying to do?" Gimli said, looking at Jenny blankly.  
  
"Maybe she's finally off her rocker." Frodo said, his head following her hopping motion. She stopped and glared at Frodo. She then put her hands on her throat and then extended her hands out in front of her as if she were singing.  
  
"It looks as if she's trying to woo someone." Aragorn said, his eyebrows raised.  
  
"She's definitely wooing me!" Merry said, grinning. Jenny abruptly stopped at those words and just merely pointed at her throat.  
  
"Is it a sore throat?" Sam inquired. Jenny shook her head in frustration. She suddenly got an idea and picked up a stick from the ground and wrote in the dirt. Everyone gathered around to see what she was writing.  
  
"I still cannot speak. Please take the stupid curse thingy off of me now." Gandalf read. "As you wish. Stand back everyone." Everyone did as they were told and stood back while Gandalf pointed his staff at Jenny and muttered a few incantations. A light flashed, causing everyone to shield their eyes. Everyone looked at Jenny, who was blinking from the light.  
  
"Can you speak Jenny?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"Sí, gracias." Jenny said. (Translation: Yes, thank you) Everyone blinked.  
  
"What did you say?" I asked. It sounded like she was talking about the sea and grass. She suddenly had a look of horror upon her face  
  
"¡Ah mi cielos! ¡Ah mi cielos! ¿Qué acontece? ¿Por qué hablo yo el español?" She yelled, flailing her arms in the air. (Translation: Oh my skies! Oh my skies! What happened? Why am I speaking Spanish?) Legolas tried desperately to calm her down, but to no effect.  
  
"Jenny-" Legolas tried to say.  
  
"¡Hablo el español! ¡Ah Dios, yo Hablo el español! ¡Esto no es bueno! ¡No bueno!" She yelled. (Translation: I'm speaking Spanish! Oh, god I'm speaking Spanish! This is not good! Not good!) I tried to grab her by the arm and calm her down, but she started yelling strange words again.  
  
"¡No me toque! ¡He obtenido suficientes problemas ya, y yo no necesito un feo a semejanza de droga usted conmovedor mí!" She shrieked, whacking me repeatedly. (Translation: Do not touch me! I have obtained sufficient problems already, and I do not need an ugly one to touch me!)  
  
"Jenny-" Gandalf said.  
  
"¡Quiero a mi mami!" (Translation: I want my mommy!)  
  
"JENNY! SHUT UP, WILL YA?" Aragorn yelled. Everyone looked at him, shocked. This was the first time anyone had ever heard him yell so loud. Jenny obeyed and put on a pouty face.  
  
"Erm, thank you, Aragorn. We need to be heading on now, but I will be thinking for a spell for Jenny while we walk." He cast a nervous glance at Jenny before they set off again.  
  
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(Aragorn)  
  
"Usted huele extraño. ¿Cuán largo lo tiene dura bañado y lavado el cabello?" Jenny said, looking up at me. (Translation: You smell strange. How long have you bathed and washed your hair?)  
  
"Jenny, you know I can't understand a word you're saying." I said. Suddenly she grinned and walked over to Legolas.  
  
"Su extremo es hermoso, O guapa uno." Jenny said, giggling. (Translation: Your butt is extremely beautiful, O handsome one!) Legolas edged away from her a bit. He could tell by the look in her eyes and the tone of her voice that he was better off not knowing what she just said. "Usted es atractiva." She purred. (Translation: You are sexy) Legolas looked around nervously, picked up Pippin and put him down so that he separated Legolas from Jenny.  
  
"The sooner Gandalf comes up with a spell, the better." Legolas muttered. I had to fight the urge to laugh.  
  
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How did you like this chapter? Is my Spanish OK? Make friends with the purple button at the bottom of the screen!! ^_^ 


	3. Poor Pippypoo!

Hello! I'm BAAAAAACK!! This time we're getting even weirder! Hobbitses time! WOOOOOO! I'd like to thank all of my reviewers!  
  
Mellon: ACK! Not the puppy face! Anything but the puppy face!  
  
Freakygurl12: Yes! Lol, whack the hobbits! Bad hobbits! *Puts leashes on them and ties them to a post cuz she just feels like it* lol  
  
Aldrai Tassada: Don't worry; I'll try not to take too long to update my chapters.  
  
COOKIES FOR EVERYONE!!! This chapter might be a little weird because I was hyper and listening to "Pikachu rap," (don't ask) enjoy the chapter! ^_^  
  
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(Merry)  
  
"I've got it!" Gandalf exclaimed. Everyone but Jenny cheered. Jenny had been talking in her strange tongue at everyone, but nobody seemed to understand her. I must admit, the way she was rolling her R's made her sound sexy! ER! Yes, sexier since she already is sexy.  
  
FFFFFFLLLLAAAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHH!!!!! Okay. That was really bright. Thank you, Mr. Gandalf for trying to blind me. I blinked and looked over at Jenny. She was staring at Gandalf with her mouth open.  
  
"Dude, warn us next time before you go flashing all these lights in our eyes!" Jenny said. She blinked. "YAY! I'm speaking English again! SWEEEEEETAH!" Everyone blinked. She had accidently-sprayed spit when she put emphasis on "Sweet." They all stepped back.  
  
"What is 'Sweetah'?" Aragorn asked. Jenny burst out laughing for some reason.  
  
"Not 'Sweetah', it's 'Sweet'. It's just an expression that you say if something's real happening." She answered. Aragorn seemed more confused.  
  
"What is 'happening'?" He asked. Jenny raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Dude, like, where have you been?" She said. He now looked bewildered.  
  
"Foolish girl, I've been standing right here the whole time!"  
  
"No, I didn't mean that! I meant-GAAAH! Forget it!" Jenny said storming off. I followed her.  
  
"Miss Jenny, what DOES happening mean?" I asked. She glared down at me. I then proceeded giving her the puppy face. She sighed, defeated. I wondered. Perhaps with the puppy face I could . . . Hehehehehe! I am a very naughty little hobbit! I then remembered I was supposed to be doing the puppy face and turned back to her.  
  
"Well, happening is like, supposed to be something that you like a lot. Get my drift?" She said. I looked around.  
  
"I do not see your drift anywhere, Miss Jenny." I said. She smiled and ruffled my hair. I vow to never wash my hair again!  
  
"I meant: do you understand what I'm saying?" I nodded. "Okay then. At least you're way smarter than Aragorn." I smiled.  
  
"I'm flattered Miss Jenny." She knelt down in front of me.  
  
"You are CUUUTE!! Um, no hard feelings about the name-calling thing." She said. I continued with my "sweet nice innocent hobbit" act.  
  
"No need to apologize Miss Jenny. I guess I am a nasty hobbit. I'm ashamed I must live my life like this." I said, giving her the puppy face as I spoke. She swooped me up and gave me a hug.  
  
"I'm sorry Merry! I didn't mean to! Don't feel bad!" Over her shoulder, I gave a smile and thumbs up to Pippin. Pippin scowled. Hah! Pip was jealous! I then pretended to sob. The whole fellowship soon turned their attention to my wailing.  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" I yelled. Jenny turned to face me and saw that I was faking. Her face quickly turned to the resemblance of a mad bull. I yelped and tried to make a run for it, but she grabbed my arm.  
  
"YOU NASTY PERVERTED HOBBIT! You are sick to do that to a sixteen year old girl!" She shouted. Suddenly everything went quiet.  
  
"You're only sixteen?" Boromir said, open-mouthed.  
  
"I shore am!" She said, still glaring at me. "What to do . . . Should I BEAT HIM UP . . . or let him go?"  
  
"Let him go, Jenny." Legolas said. Jenny was about to turn around and yell, but when she saw it was Legolas, she obeyed and just dropped me. I believe my rear end hurts. Ow. I turned to the sound of Pippin laughing at me.  
  
*GGGGGGgaspGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRgaspRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!SnarlSnarlHackgaspHackSN ORTpantpant* everyone froze and looked at me. I was glaring at Pippin.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Pippin squealed in a high- pitched voice, running away.  
  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR! *Deep breath* *SNORTSNORTSNORTSNORTpantpant*" I ran after him. The rest of the fellowship blinked.  
  
"DUUUUUDE! MERRY, LIKE, YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN! YOU'LL KILL YOURSELF!" Jenny yelled. I stopped, trying to catch my breath. Pippin was now about a five leagues away, still screaming like a girl.  
  
"For a little one, he sure runs fast!" Gimli said, jealousy in his voice.  
  
"Legolas use your eyes and try to spot him." Aragorn asked.  
  
"I know what to do with my eyes, thankyouverymuch." Legolas said grumpily. He shielded his eyes and peered into the distance. "SWEET ERU! He is STILL running!" Aragorn sidled up next to Legolas and smacked him. Legolas smacked back.  
  
"Poor Pippy-poo!" Jenny said. She glared at me. "Mr. Perverted over here scared him off. He's probably all alone and scared!" Aragorn stepped on Legolas's foot with his heavy boot. Legolas howled in pain.  
  
"Or he's probably still running." Boromir said. Legolas pulled Aragorn's hair. Aragorn screamed and bonked Legolas on the head.  
  
"Shut up!" Jenny snapped. Legolas then bonked Aragorn on the head.  
  
"Cut out this childish nonsense at once! If we wish to reach Master Peregrin before Middle earth is destroyed, we must leave at once!" Gandalf said. He looked over at Aragorn and Legolas, who were now in a sissy fight and were screaming like girls while pulling each other's hair. Gandalf blinked and turned around. "Fools." He muttered.  
  
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That's all for now? How'd ya like it? Review please! I'll give you a plushie of your favorite LOTR character if you do!! 


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